lingering baby steps

a lot of things happened within these 4 to 5 months..interesting things,happy things,sad things..but of cos i had lots of fun..i really feel that i have found the real me..n i m really thankful for that..cos it's priceless..i finally know how to say no..to walk away..to have crazy fun..to give myself space..to express myself..but i hv yet to dare to face one thing..n this one thing has become an important part of me for 9 yrs..
this feeling isn't there 24 hrs..it disappears n come right back when i least expect it.in the past whenever that feeling came knockin on my door i would feel frustrated..but yest i sort of embraced it for the first time.but is the feeling mutual?
i can only think of a million reasons y it isn't mutual but i can't think of any reasons y it might be mutual.it never took this 9 yr dude much effort to put a smile on my face or to make me laugh.but however hard i try..i just don have the guts to tell him how i still feel. like he said,he would seldom tell a gal how he feels coz he doesn't want to ruin the frenship.
pointing at me frm across the rm during the parent teacher session to tell me that u like me when we were 12, the countless coincidental bumping into each other at roxy sq and getting on the same bus 14 when we were in lower sec,the lending of txt bk,the rare phone calls, telling me that i was the 1st girl u treated to lunch when we were 15 the fixing of my comp when we were 16,the simple surprise dinner on my 18th bday,the handphone key chain frm taiwan that u sharved into my hand seconds b4 i stepped into the train when we were 19, the strength u gave me when i just broke up w him when we were 19 and most importantly the 9 yrs and still counting companionship that u gave and are still giving me maybe insignificant to u but it definitely isn't to me..
we toked abt r/s and life in general..abt how natural it would b for one to profess one's feeling for the opp party if he or she had finally met the right one. But wat if most of us are just waiting for the answer to drop frm the sky even if we truly love someone alr.The biggest question is wat if i were like "most of us"?
it has become clearer that despite the many times that u hv managed to piss me and the 2 failed r/s accompanied w those who were and are still interested in me,i dare say w/o telling it to ur face that i hv been in love w u for 9 yrs and counting