not knowing anything

just don understand y i can't sleep tonight...my eyes are wide opened and i noe i'm tired from the wedding service but my head is full..find myself tryin so desperately to shut those thoughts out of my head..but to no avail...actually i don even noe wat i'm thinkin abt..or maybe i do noe n i'm just feignin ignorance...ok...i think i don make any sense...maybe it's the tok w my sis that is really takin an effect on me now...or maybe it's just me thinkin too much once again

better in time

it has been quite awhile since i last woke up this early..evidently it's because i made a blunder..i actually locked my dog up by mistake in my sister's room the night before after i got off the phone..sorry dog!!=( haha..anyway..i caught up w my best fren from secondary school yesterday morning..n yes i have to admit i couldn't hold back my tears when i told her abt wat was troubling me:i m not driven as wat my mum and sis claimed n the fact that i'm still fuckin worried that i won't be able to get into the uni of my choice..not long after i stopped cryin..i started to tok some sense to her..i told her stuff like i have decided to return my sis the uni school fees that she's goin to pay for me starting from now n not only after i graduate etc..n after keeping quiet for a few seconds,she told me that she realised that i have changed as compared to when i was in sec sch..she felt that i have become more distant and less feeling towards my sis n mum..that even though i still get affected by wat they say abt me, n that i still pour out my "unhappiness" to my frens, i have taken the initiative to do something abt it not so much for anyone but for myself..guess over the yrs getting betrayed by my sister's ex n my ex(these are just minor issues the major ones abt my relatives i choose not to remember) changed me..
take for example given the old me i would have cried my eyes out after my mum ticked me off for lockin my dog up..but i didn't flinch this time round..
however i have to admit that there are still many occasions when i allow my mum to sort of affect my decisions in my relationship n it's certainly not good at all..i've changed n i'm still changing n i seriously embrace that fact..i needed 6 yrs to come this far because i can't change at the snap of my fingers..n i'm most certainly not sayin that i need another 6 yrs..

i believe circumstances can really change a person..it just gets better in time..